First off, you're already aware you need a better mic before you get serious about making this kind of music, but you also need to rap differently. You need to put more feeling into other than it sounding like you're reading the lyrics off a piece of paper. It's really monotone and makes the piece drag on. The beat is good, but a bit too simplistic. A bit more variety and it'll be golden. The mixing needs a bit of touching as well, certain things stick out too much and it doesn't really come together super well. Your lyrics themselves and flow is awesome at some parts and I was really impressed with some of the rhymes, however others were really weak and took away from the parts where you really did good. So overall, you're on track but you really need to clean up a bit more and take the last couple steps you need to get a really solid song. Great try, and I know you can do it, but you need to put just a bit more effort into it.